I’ve always found myself attracted to music with a semblance of chaos yet which somehow pulls together into unity. Jazz is a prime example. A college professor of mine loved Coltrane for the boundaries he pushed in what holds a song together besides just notes. As much as I like jazz, I’m very cosmopolitan in my music tastes. But that chaotic harmony can be found in every genre of music. Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears for Fears and Miracle by Caravan Palace are two of my favorites with that falling apart yet held together vibe, the former a classic 80s and the latter an electro-swing song.
The common element in all of that style of the song is the bass. It’s usually the backbone of the song that holds all the chaotic synth or sax or singing together, grounding it in the confines of beats and measures and keys of a song to make it music, not noise. Often the more chaotic elements of a song are what define it. No one says “You know the song where the bass goes bum BUM bum BUM?” They sing the words or hum the melody or point out the trills that make up the song.
If you have trouble envisioning what I’m talking about, listen to the beginning of Everybody Wants To Rule The World and try clapping to the first 15 seconds before the drum comes in. If you’re like me, you’ll end up clapping on the offbeat, or on some special beat of your own. After the drum and bass come in, it jives. But it’s the conflicting melody elements of the guitar and keys and voices that make the song.
If you only had the bass line, it would be almost impossible to define which song is which. The bass often plays the same part from song to song. Consider dancing music genres like polka. It wouldn’t be polka without the steady oom-pah. But there are bunches of polka songs. Simply take the same bass line and add something else on top. Different instruments and lyrics come and go with the bass to guide the soul of the song.
Recently, my mother’s brother passed away. Dealing with the death of my uncle has made me consciously and unconsciously think about my family more. And it occurred to me, that my family can be like those chaos songs.
I’m one of twelve children, and when anyone asks me what it’s like, I always say “Busy. There’s always something going on!” It’s true. We take turns having excitement in our lives.
Three of us sisters got married in one year, repeating cake tasting and flower arranging and dress shopping events like the lyrics of a chorus. Nieces and nephews are born with trills of excitement. Some riffs of arguments repeat themselves. Health problems show up in different siblings like a call and response. Graduations come in like a bridge, ushering in a build towards a new chorus of careers and marriages and births.
And amongst all the chaos, my mother is the one to beat out the steady bass line. She addresses each piece of celebration and tragedy with a hug and a snack. She loves each of us and gives equal attention to promotions and layoffs and diagnoses and healings. And perhaps the most underrated but selfless part of Mom is that she never has any chaos of her own. She gave up a career to be a stay-at-home mom. She’s not worried about herself and her own growth anymore. She’s had her children, and her news is their news. She’s not graduating or being promoted or retiring. She’s not taking new classes each semester and getting exam grades or certificates. She’s even very nonchalant about any health problems that she’s had. Her work and growth are keeping the rest of us running and growing and progressing.
That’s what I love most about Mom. She’s the quiet steady bass that keeps the rest of the song pumping on time. She doesn’t complain that she doesn’t get to be the melody. Maybe she knows her importance because we’d collapse without her beat. In any case, I’m glad to have her as my mom. I couldn’t ask for a better Mom to keep our family song jiving.
